Keeping Up With the Deverauxes
By Jennifer-Lynn D'Anna
IT IS THE NEXT DAY. JENNIFER AND JACK HAVE JUST SAID GOODBYE TO ABBY AND ARE COMING BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE. BOTH ARE ALREADY DRESSED. JACK IS IN A LIGHT GRAY SUIT AND JENNIFER IS WEARING A PALE PINK SUNDRESS AND SANDALS. THEY ARE COMING IN THE DOOR.
JACK: (WALKING IN BEHIND JENNIFER AND CLOSING THE DOOR) She really does like taking the bus, doesn't she?
JENNIFER: Yeah she does. I'm just glad she likes it here.
JACK: And what about you?
JENNIFER: (TURNING TO HIM SMILING) What about me, Jack?
JACK: Do you like it here?
JENNIFER: What kind of question is that, Jack? Of course I like it here. Salem is my home.
JACK: (CHANGING THE SUBJECT SINCE HE REALLY MEANT IF SHE LIKED IT HERE WITH HIM) Silly question, huh? (HE CLAPS HIS HANDS TOGETHER) Okay, Miss Horton, where do we start today?
JENNIFER: I really don't have any idea, Jack. Do you have any suggestions?
JACK: Well, I'd say, we'd start with (IMITATING STEFANO'S VOICE) Alexandra Carver's house. We'll just drive over there and have a little visit.
JENNIFER: Jack, now? Abe's not going to be home now. From what I understand Abe goes in really early nowadays.
JACK: (THROWING HER A LOOK) That's the point, Miss Horton. We'll just take a little drive over there and have a look-see.
JENNIFER: Jack, now I know why you don't have any friends. You have at one time searched all of their houses.
JACK: Do you have any better ideas? Really, I'm open to suggestion.
JENNIFER: (MOCKING HIM) No. Let me just grab my purse (SHE GOES TO THE COUCH AND PICKS UP HER PURSE AND HEADS TO THE DOOR)
JACK: (SHAKING HIS HEAD AT THE SIZE OF HER BAG) Do you really need all that?
JENNIFER: Yes, Jack. I do. I need my brush, my lipstick, my cell phone...
JACK: You can't possibly need all that. I can't think of a single time since I've known you that you packed lightly, except of course that time I packed your things when you were going to marry-what was his name?...Eduardo? No. Enrique? No-
JENNIFER: (SMILING) Emilio, Jack. Emilio. And you brought me a leather dress to wear, Jack. (SHE OPENS THE DOOR AND THEY WALK OUT)
(ALL WE HEAR ARE THEIR VOICES)
JACK: And it was about the size of that bag, as I recall.
JENNIFER: You didn't seem to mind then, Jack.
JACK: (TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT) Well, I...Would you look at that-a rose bush!
Scene 2: Jack and Jennifer have arrived at the Carver house. Jennifer is in the front bushes squinting in the window. Jack sneaks up behind her.
JACK: Did you know that these people have one of those dreadful lawn elves?
(JENNIFER JUMPS AT THE SOUND OF JACK'S VOICE. SHE LOOKS BACK AT HIM AND THEN HE SETTLES IN NEXT TO HER LOOKING IN THE WINDOW)
Is the coast clear?
JENNIFER: The coast is clear, Jack. Let's go...(THEY GET UP AND WALK OVER TO THE DOOR AND JENNIFER PULLS OUT HER CREDIT CARD AND OPENS THE DOOR. JACK WATCHES HER WITH AMUSEMENT. SHE NOTICES AND LOOKS AT HIM) I learned from the best, Jack.
(THEY ENTER AND JACK SHUTS AND LOCKS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM)
JACK: You would think that Salem's finest would, I don't know, have some sort of an alarm system. Then again, he probably figures he is the alarm system (HE TURNS AROUND AND SEES JENNIFER LOOKING THROUGH THE DRAWERS OF THE DESK) Now, Miss Horton, don't let me stop you.
JENNIFER: (STOPPING TO LOOK AT JACK) Jack, there's got to be something around here.
JACK: In the desk, I think not. I don't think Alexandra would be writing it down. (PRETENDING TO CHECK OFF A LIST) Things to do today: Go to the market, check. Pick up dry cleaning, check. Fake own death and skip country, check.
JENNIFER: (NARROWING HER EYES AT JACK) No, Jack, I don't think she'd write it down. Maybe she wrote down a phone number or something of someone Stefano knew in Ireland. And if she did take Isaac out of the country, she would need his documents, wouldn't she? They might be in here.
JACK: (THINKING IT OVER) You're right. I'm sure that Stefano had those doctored, but he might need the real things to do that. And her mind obviously wasn't working properly towards the end, so maybe she did scribble something down...(HE NUDGES HER OUT OF THE WAY ANDSTARTS LOOKING THROUGH THE DRAWERS HIMSELF)
JENNIFER: (STEPPING BACK AND LOOKING AT HIM) Don't let me get in your way, Jack.
JACK: (LOOKING UP AT HER SMILING SMUGLY) I knew you wouldn't mind.
(THE SCENE ENDS WITH JENNIFER CROSSING HER ARMS AND NARROWING HER EYES AT JACK)
Scene 3: Jack and Jennifer are exhausted from searching the house. They are both sitting back on the couch looking a little weary.
JENNIFER: Jack, we've searched this whole house. There's nothing here.
JACK: (LOOKING AT HER VERY TIRED) Huh?
JENNIFER: There's nothing here, Jack. We should just pack it in and go home.
JACK: Jennifer, we can't. I feel like we're missing something. Something very easy.
JENNIFER: Like what, Jack? I mean we've looked through all the drawers, all the cabinets, all the closets... (SITTING STRAIGHT UP AND GRABBING HIS ARM) Wait, Jack, the closets!
JACK: (CONFUSED) What?
JENNIFER: (PULLING HIM OFF THE COUCH) The closets, Jack! No woman would leave town without clothes. And with a child...she would pack some of his clothes, too. Sentimental stuff...christening gowns. I bet Abe hasn't even noticed. (SHE PULLS HIM UP THE STAIRS AND INTO ABE AND LEXIE'S BEDROOM)
(JUST THEN THE CAMERA PANS DOWN INTO THE LIVING ROOM. ROLF AND STEFANO'S OTHER HENCHMAN HAVE SNEAKED IN)
Scene 4: Jennifer and Jack are in Abe and Lexie's bedroom.
(JENNIFER AND JACK ARE LOOKING THROUGH LEXIE AND ABE'S CLOSET FEROCIOUSLY)
JACK: (THUMBING THROUGH ABE'S SUITS) Wool...wool...wool...does this man own a good spring suit?
JENNIFER: (SHE STOPS LOOKING THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THE CLOSET AND LOOKS UP AT HIM) Jack, we are not here to judge other people's clothing styles.
JACK: (PICKING UP AN AWFUL HOT PINK GOWN FROM LEXIE'S SIDE AND HOLDING IT UP TO HIMSELF) Are you honestly going to stand there and say that this doesn't deserve some kind of comment?
JENNIFER: (GRABBING THE DRESS) Jack, put it (SHE HEARS VOICES COMING UP THE STAIRS) Jack, someone's coming.
JACK: Ya think? (HE GRABS HER HAND AND THEY RUSH AROUND THE ROOM LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HIDE. THEY FINALLY DECIDE TO GET UNDER THE BED JUST AS THE HENCHMEN ENTER)
HENCHMAN: Geez, Rolf, you mean to tell me that we're here to pick up some clothes?
ROLF: Not just any clothes. How many times do I have to tell you that these are special clothes?
HENCHMAN: I don't see what's so special about a wedding dress. I mean she's not going to wear it again, is she?
ROLF: Now I know why you are still single.
HENCHMAN: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
(THE HENCHMEN CONTINUE TO TALK AND THE CAMERA PANS OUT TO JACK AND JENNIFER WHO ARE STUCK UNDER THE BED. THEY ARE FACING EACH OTHER AND WHISPERING VERY SOFTLY.)
JENNIFER: Jack, did you hear that? They're here for Stefano.
JACK: Yes, I heard that. I just hope they hurry up. I don't want to be stuck here all day.
JENNIFER: You don't think they heard us, do you?
JACK: No, but they will. Now will you just shut up.
JENNIFER: Don't tell me to shut up, Jack. I am whispering.
JACK: If that's what you call it.
JENNIFER: Are you saying that I cannot whisper, Jack?
JACK: That's exactly what I'm saying.
JENNIFER: I'll have you know that I speak very softly.
JACK: So softly bats can hear you.
(JENNIFER HITS JACK AND THEY WHISPER FOR A FEW MOMENTS)
HENCHMAN: Hey, Rolf, do you hear that? (HE PULLS OUT HIS GUN)
ROLF: (TURNING TOWARDS HIM) Hear what?
HENCHMAN: It sounds like someone's in here.
(JACK AND JENNIFER JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHER SCARED)
Scene 5: Jack and Jennifer, still under the bed, almost get caught.
ROLF: I don't know what you are talking about. I don't hear a thing.
HENCHMAN: It sounded like voices.
ROLF: There is nobody else here. We checked the place out, remember?
HENCHMAN: (PUTTING AWAY HIS GUN) Well, I still say I heard something. I just didn't want it to be those pesky Dever-(MISPRONOUNCING THE NAME) auchses.
(UNDER THE BED JACK CRINGES AT THE PRONOUNCATION AND MOUTHS HIS NAME CORRECTLY)
ROLF: I don't think you have to worry about them much longer. Stefano has got plans for them.
HENCHMAN: I wish I had plans for her. That little blonde is quite the looker.
(UNDER THE BED JENNIFER SMILES AT JACK)
ROLF: She is quite striking, isn't she? (HE GOES BACK TO THE CLOSET) I wonder how she fell in love with that fool of a man Deveraux.
(UNDER THE BED, JACK MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT OF SHOWING HOW ANNOYED HE IS AT THAT STATEMENT. JENNIFER JUST SMILES WIDER).
HENCHMAN: They have a really pretty daughter, though. Have you seen her?
(UNDER THE BED, JACK AND JENNIFER LOOK SHOCKED AND SCARED ABOUT THE MENTION OF ABBY)
ROLF: Yes, she too is quite lovely. Quite lovely, indeed. (BEAT. HE TURNS BACK TOWARDS HIM WITH BAGS OF CLOTHING) I believe we're all done here. We've better get out of here, Stefano wants Alexandra to get this as soon as possible. And you know how Stefano gets when he's upset.
HENCHMAN: I know, I know...you don't wanna be anywhere near him. You got everything on the list, right?
ROLF: Everything but that pink dress.
(UNDER THE BED, JACK LOOKS AT JENNIFER WHO IS CLUTCHING THE PINK DRESS)
Stefano will just have to buy her another one. It's not as if she will be attending many parties where she is at now. Let's go.
(THEY EXIT. JACK AND JENNIFER CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER THE BED)
JENNIFER: (GETTING UP FROM THE FLOOR AND RUNNING OVER TO HIS SIDE OF THE BED) Jack, did you hear that? Lexie must be alive...he mentioned her.
JACK: (LOOKING SCARED) Yeah, well, he also mentioned someone else.
JENNIFER: (LOOKING JUST AS SCARED AS JACK) Abby.
Scene 6: Fearing for Abby, Jack and Jennifer want to get out of there right away.
JENNIFER: (NERVOUS) Jack, we've got to get out of here right away. (SHE STARTS TO GET TEARY) Nothing can happen to her, Jack. Nothing.
JACK: (GRABBING HER SHOULDERS AND TRYING TO COMFORT HER) Nothing will, Jennifer. I'll see to that. (HE GRABS HER HAND AND THEY START TO GO OUT) Let's go...(THEY STEP OUTSIDE OF THE DOOR AND JACK STOPS. HE CAN HEAR ABE AND CELESTE DOWNSTAIRS. CELESTE INSISTS ON ABE GOING UPSTAIRS AND TAKING A NAP AND SHE'LL CLEAN UP THE HOUSE. RELUCTANTLY, ABE STARTS UP THE STAIRS)
(JACK AND JENNIFER EYES WIDEN AND THEY RUN BACK INSIDE. THIS TIME THEY HIDE IN THE CLOSET)
(ABE COMES IN AND SITS DOWN ON THE BED AND YAWNS. HE TAKES OFF HIS SHOES AND PLACES HIS KEYS ON THE NIGHTSTAND AND THEN LAYS DOWN TO SLEEP)
(JACK AND JENNIFER JUST LOOK AT ABE AND THEN EACH OTHER WONDERING WHAT TO DO)
Scene 7: Abe has fallen asleep and is snoring loudly. Jack and Jennifer need to leave and don't know what to do.
(THE SCENE OPENS WITH JACK AND JENNIFER IN THE CLOSET. JENNIFER IS PEEKING OUT THE CLOSET AT ABE WHO IS SLEEPING WITH HIS BACK TOWARDS THEM AND JACK IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR WITH HIS HEAD ON HIS HAND. HE LOOKS VERY BORED)
JENNIFER: (WHISPERING) He's asleep, Jack. We can try and make it now. (SHE GOES TO OPEN THE DOOR AND ABE ROLLS OVER AND ALMOST WAKES. HE IS NOW FACING THEM)
JACK: (STANDING UP) Do we have a plan B?
JENNIFER: Jack, we've got to get out of here.
JACK: Thank you for the newsflash. Oh, I know (HE GRABS HIS CELL PHONE AND SINKS BACK INTO THE CLOSET AND DIALS)
JENNIFER: Jack, what are you doing?
(JACK JUST HOLD HIS FINGER UP AND THEN REPEATS A NUMBER BACK TO WHOEVER HE IS SPEAKING TO)
JACK: Thank you. (HE HANGS UP) Now what did I tell you about whispering? Your big mouth almost made our daughter an orphan earlier.
JENNIFER: Jack, I---
(HE COVERS HER MOUTH WITH HIS HAND AND AFTER A SECOND REMOVES IT)
JENNIFER: Jack, I---
(HE COVERS HER MOUTH AGAIN AND THEN REMOVES IT AFTER A SECOND)
JENNIFER: But, Jack-
(HE GOES TO COVER HER MOUTH AGAIN BUT SHE GRABS HIS HAND)
Don't you dare do that again, Jack Deveraux!
JACK: Fine. Will you give me a second please? I'm working on something. (JENNIFER GOES TO SPEAK, BUT JACK LOOKS UP AT HER) One second.
(JENNIFER WHISPERS SOMETHING VERY SOFTLY)
JACK: (LOOKING UP FROM DIALING) I heard that.
(WHISPERS SOMETHING ELSE INAUDIBLE AND JACK JUST LOOKS AT HER AGAIN)
Kiss Mrs. Horton with that mouth? (HE GOES BACK TO DIALING)
(OUTSIDE OF THE CLOSET, ABE'S PHONE RINGS. HE ROLLS OVER AND ANSWERS IT)
ABE: Abe Carver.
JACK: (INSIDE THE CLOSET CHANGING HIS VOICE. HE NOW SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE OLD LADY AND IS SPEAKING VERY SLOWLY) Hello. Is this Commander Abraham Carver?
(JENNIFER JUST LOOKS AT JACK WARILY)
ABE: (CONFUSED) Yes, yes, it is. (BEAT) Who's this?
JACK: (LOST FOR WORDS) Why this is...this is Thelma Mae...Thelma Mae (LOOKING AROUND AND SEEING A SHOE HORN) Shoehorn, your neighbor.
(JENNIFER IS AMUSED BY JACK'S "LAST NAME")
ABE: (SITTING UP) Shoehorn? Um, yes, what is it that you need Mrs. Shoehorn?
JACK: Well, I...well I...was calling to inquire about where you got one of those...one of those...interesting little lawn creatures? Especially the one on the front lawn. Could you please tell me? Me and my husband (LOOKING AROUND AND SEEING A TIE), Ty, would love to get some.
ABE: Well, I (GETTING UP AND GOING TO THE WINDOW) Now which one are you talking about?
JACK: (PUSHING JENNIFER OUT OF THE CLOSET AND WAVING FOR HER TO GO) The one right by the fence. (JENNIFER RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM)
ABE: (LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW STILL) Which fence? The east or west side?
JACK: (SNEAKING OUT OF THE CLOSET HIMSELF AND WALKING SOFTLY OUT OF THE ROOM) Um, um, I'm not sure...Let me ask Ty...Ty, Ty? Which fence are you talking about?
(FINALLY OUT OF THE ROOM, JACK GRABS JENNIFER'S HAND)
Mr. Carver? I'm sorry, but Ty just informed me that he doesn't want any lawn ornaments. In fact, he finds them downright hideous. I really am sorry for troubling you. (HE HANGS UP)
ABE: (CONFUSED AND ANNOYED) Oh, okay. Goodbye. (HE SHAKES HIS HEAD) Talk about wacky neighbors. (HE GOES BACK TO BED)
(OUTSIDE OF THE ROOM, JACK AND JENNIFER MAKE THEIR WAY DOWNSTAIRS TO THE "PINK PANTHER THEME" . THEY ARE HIDING BEHIND THINGS TO NOT BE SEEN AND NARROWLY MISS GETTING CAUGHT BY CELESTE WHEN ABE CALLS FOR HER. THEY FINALLY GET OUTSIDE)
JENNIFER: Jack, that was great!
JACK: No time for applause, Miss Horton. We've got work to do. Let's go find our daughter (HE GRABS HER HAND AND THEY RUSH OFF)
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